(maybe) we're both afraid of the words we both havn't said

on.

i feel like a scholar from the olden days that suffers from insomnia.

this whole week has been busy busy! absent on tuesday&missed quite a lot, my spas prac, my acm speech that i've been preparing for super long&that super touching speech that coach gave that made every one motivated.

that whatever ministry of studies of mathematics&science made us take a super long paper. oh well, out of so many sku in singapore they chose rv. out of so many classes in rv they chose 3J, maybe mr chng volunteered us- ugh!

we're supposed to hv hsitory&a math papers today, but mr lim postponed it, yippy!

i've just finish watching that xing shan shan show on channel8, the ending was lousy la it didn't even say what happened to that blimb female character&that male lead who's lying in hospital, oh well sm typical channel8 dramas.

HAHAHA i'll blog more tmr! :D

okay it's confirmed adriano&clara are seeing each other, aw!
i've got history&a math to study for, stalin, trotsky bless me with gorgeous results. whoever-that-person is who invented log please bless me too! :D
alright i'm out of stuffs to blog about, so let's take a look at my horoscope-

Push aside your pride, especially when dealing with a situation that needs an immediate solution. Someone you've been avoiding can help you with your dilemma, so get rid of your ego and ask for their help.

another day facing monkeys :(

i feel so banana-fied.
4x200 heats at noon&finals at evening. i really hope that we can get into finals! :D chuan min's starting off, followed by fann then pass on to me&finishing off with sixuan.
my mind is full of what ifs floating by, whether i'll start too fast or slow, able to receive/pass the baton safely, will i be running too slowly; i really wna do well for 200, my favourite event! <3

just give your best shot&run like there's no tomorrow.

pfft. anyw i really hate the new jersey, it's orange but the shade sucks big time. it looks totally like that "my buona vista" tee like a rotten carrot. the font looks like an over sized times new roman with whamp on the front RIVER VALLEY HIGH. ugh it's furr-gly ugly!

embrace my fragilit, for i'm weak inside. keep me safe in a crazy world, but i'd not admit what's deep down inside. look for sth you can't fins, giveitup&lose your mind.

let's hope that's it's a blessed day for me. :)

i'm certainly not in one of my best moods.
so many trash cluttered up in my brains, chemistry exam tmr, history and math next friday. SPH relay heats and finals the whole of saturday and sunday.
my scheldue is packed too, with hell lot of races, trg, exams, the next stage classes, ugh!

lys just told me the worst news in my entire life.
i've gta go up during m.assembly next friday to talk, and i've yet to prepare my speech for ACM! everyt gross me out :(

i understand that i'm not good in math, but it's not cos i'm stupid, i'm just slow in learning. stop trying to pick on us or insult us in any way your mouth entitles you to, cos you hv no rights.

race is just a mere 2 days away and i already can't imagine the feeling of standing on the starting line again. relay heats and finals on the same day, sth tells me that it spells trouble.

hard, to say.

happy birthday, aaron! rmbr to come for more of our trg!

a hell lot of star searches recently. sunday night, the battle btwen leo and bryan started. bryan won, obviously cos there is a whole bunch of crazy fans screaming for him.
oh well, i still appreciate that love scene when leo's single tear tickled down his check.

the show was fine, except that those participants who got kicked out earlier just went for to act at a final scene as some extras, chengxi looks as though he's gna kick sm ass.

adriano got kicked out yestd :( by that damn renfred, ugh!
i want adriano back. loads of rumours has been saying that renfred's parents (upon seeing the low score that renfred's got), spent a hell lot of money voting for him. oh whatever-.
zhiyang! he made me want to marry him, with his performance that is, weetweet!

i've got andrew hook as my english teacher!

how i wish all the teachers will be like bryan tan. he understands totally that we, students, are very sleepy in the last lesson.
he'll try and make the lessons interesting, and the best of all, release us early!

oh well, a whole lot of activities coming up, clashing with trg :(

my sacrifice.

last days.
stimes i ask myself why did i end up in rv to cramp myself up from freedom. this year has been a mega makeover for me. nvr in my entire 14 years of life hv i been ever so hardworking. but, what am i doing all these for;

i couldn't answer myself, maybe, to get into a JC that can get me into a superb university.

now i ask myself why did i give up the chance of getting into the relay team. i've learnt to let go, yet i can't accept the reality. i fought so hard, just to get a chance to stand at the starting line. yet again and again, i let stress and surroundings control my mind. i tried so hard, and got so far. but in the end, all that i wanted hv distinguished like a flame.

why am i doing all these;

i've learn to let go.
i just told coach that i want to give 4x100 up. it was hard, but i did it eventually. for those participating in SPH, must do your best alright!

okay tell again next time <3

star idol finals this sunday. i would say the serial's pretty catchy. leo and bryan, i bet bryan would win cos of his looks but i prefer leo cos his acting's good.

i hate the fact that two eplisodes of ANTM was cramped up together.
i couldn't make a decision between da chang jing or top model. i realised that i simply love young kids. i'm in love with that kid chang jing now!

this is one of my favourite pictures in cycle 5.

okay, time to face that super hot fan of high knee lifts. i wonder who'll the training be like today, i do hope the weather's fine.

the pretty, and ugly side of humans.

recently coach became a huge fan of high knee lifts. :D

we had to lift up the hill, then followed by a whole set of drills over again. total madness can!
all of us started coughing doing baton acceleration and the verywellinformed jiaxu said smth about the forest fire sm where near gombak or singapore, so the air's rather disgusting.

i helped a blind man today weet!

harmless remarks turn complicated rumours.
since everyone's sick about it just forget about the whole incident and treat it as a dream.

i just saw guo mei mei on tv and i think she's gorgeously pretty can how come my mom doesnt name me chen mei mei when i was young :( everyone rmbr to catch da chang jing today! HAHAHA.

my motivation;

i was reading an article about sports people, seems like the blood running through asians sportsmen's veins are almost the same.

we take winning and losing too seriously. winning means everything, glory and attention. losing's equals to nothing, insulted, shamed, nvr to pick themselves up again.
i admit i'm one typical sports person who only feels shamed when i lose.

i do hope that my next training could be better than my prev one. the last one was, screwed.
anyw, i don't hv time to even bother to think about other stuffs.

how funny things can be, how much destruction the power of words could bring. no wonder those contestants of the beauty pagent always wants to hv world peace, oh well-.

i still.

helped out at "my buona vista" cip this morning at 6.45am. overall i would say it's a rather meaningful one, a pity i didn't try out the rides. i heard it was fun :i

spent a serious aftnoon at the museum, fiona, jiaying, emily, xiaoxi and me got down to researching at ACM about my Sandstone figure of Buddha protected by Naya Muchalinda. i love love love working there!
then went suntec for yoshi dinner :)

i do believe in karma, what comes around goes around. so i shan't buy a whole truck of voodoo dolls and curse, oh well.
although i still can't get myself to forgive nor forget.

and i don't like to turn the radio on, just to find i missed my fav song.

but i do love you.

jade's keyboard is so nice to type :)

we're invading her house now, i'm currently trying to play where are you on the guitar when i even hv problems playing twinkle twinkle little stars :I

oh well, coach tortured us today, made us do high knee lifts on the hills and start all the exercises from 0.

talent will bring you to a certain extent, hard work may bring you further, determination takes you to the finishing line.
truthfully, i do not want to lose my placing in the team now, but my abilities does not proof so. but anyhow I WANT TO RUN A RECORD TIMING FOR 200! :DDD

never give up, on you.

it's been a long week.

when i'm still lovely dovely dreaming about my future husband, that huge pond i'm going to build for my dolphins that's gna be filled with colourful pebbles, i'm piled up with assignments from ACM, x country, result slips, calls from teachers, PTM, hills of homework, mountains of stress and tons of trainings that is squashing me up like lime juice. i'm going to hyperventilate soon.

anyw the abve sentence is RUN ON, which is a gross and disgusting mistake as defined and identified by jen! :DDD

i've gta do research on the sandstone figure of Buddha, the one that caught my eye when i first step into the museum, bless me for my 5 minute talk :)

C, that insensitive, inconsiderate, ignorant brat, called my mom one night and now my mom went insane over my stinky lousy results. she's going to lock me in a room and reflect on my results. i can predict more sufferings smashing towards me during the holidays.
are you even fit to be my mom, do you even realise that all i want and need from you are just that tiny bit of attention and concern from you. you haven't seen how hard i try, and you just slammed the final judgement into my face. all that i've done, is just to please you.

maybe i shouldn't be in rv in the first place.

now that every training are like competitions to us, piled up with all the hw that're loading us down, i seriously don't know how much breath i'm left with to cope with all these that are slapping on my face. I hope my perseverence and determination is able to let me pull through this period of time. what a typical life.

on a happier note, the mention of history scholarship sounds like my hope hope to get out of all these pits. I WANT A HISTORY SCHOLARSHIP!

fuck of and go get a life. what a bastard. i hope you'll die and dissolve in acid or decompose then i'll laugh my shit off. how i wish you'll just shut up.

again and again.

annual sku cross country :)

i hv to say that this is certainly one very valuable experience, how surroundings affect us. like last year, i didn't manage to persuade mr tan to let me participate :(
3J you girls are great! <3

congrats to those who made it. so proud of you all! but for those, i guess those comforting words has been repeated over and over again. take this experience not as a road to failure, but as a lesson learnt in a hard way.
it's no big deal to be fabulous physically, what matters is you have to be strong mentally.

i really have to applause for sherrie. an idiot purposely (according to the twos) pushed her down and despite her injury, she picked herself up and continue running.that's what i call a true spirit of a runner! :DDD

sad to say, i hv no idea how to show my parents my report card :x

maybe, maybe, maybe.

an inconsistent runner is far worse than a runner who's not fast. i admit, i'm a very inconsistent runner.

i'll never fight a losing war. a team event depends on each and every of us. i do not want an instant desire of glory, to bring the downfall or defeat of the team. attention shines on you, but so what, if the team could have done better. i say this from the bottom of my heart, any of you would be a far stronger runner than me. i'm weak, in the heart; mentally, and with that, i've already lost the war.
i'm not giving my place up, it's just the results that are the priority and if i were to run, it will suffer. if it was an individual event, i would certainly go for it. but a team means that everyone would be responsible for the rise and fall. i'm seriously too weak and coward to burden this responsibility.

i don't know i to pen down how i felt at this moment of time, i'm seriously lost for words.

today while dreaming during math lesson i almost wanted to take the pongpong from the tree outside and throw it at mr chng.
he dragged the lesson from 1.45 to 2.20, and happily announced that if we were to fail the a math test before the adventure camp he's gna deprive us from going to the camp :(

lunched at ikea when mav started talking abt the disgusting wolf creek story. it totally grossed me out :x final destination 3, wolf creek and big momma house 2 are the movies i want to watch currently! :DDD

how upsetting, i can't go to the match tmr cos of ACM :( i can only say do your best guys!

a tear that broke many smiles.

once again, i guess i've wore the RV logo & disgraced the sku.

a very big THANK YOU to pple who came down to support today. karen, emily, leena, amanda, alanna & jj. but no worries chrislyn & janice. haha thx for bombarting my inbox with those good luck msg :)

for those who ran, i really have to say GOOD JOB. although the weather was really horrible, all of us puhed really hard & did your best. except for me of course. i guess this will jus be another race to tell me that i hv to work harder & do a under 50.
what really upsets me most is the fact that coach cheered for me when i was starting. yet i failed to show him that i could sustain that race until the end. if i had done that, i could have done a better timing. i'm sorry coach :(

as for the rest, i guess most of us did your personal best timings this time round so there's really nothing much we can do now. prepare yourselves for SPH relay & all the races that are cluttering one aft another.

i really feel very proud of you all for keeping the smiles on your faces aft race jus to cheer me up. i'm such a disgrace myself. also thank you so much to jade for trying to help get onto my feet aft the race. i really needed that.

one that made we really stressed up was that during the starting line before the gun went off, the person could not fire & told us to stand up abt 3 times. it got me really stressed up & i almost cried.

you don't see me.

last post before judgement.

i still can't believe that fact that in less than 5hours time i'll be at the starting like, with my 5 1/2 yellow spikes & waiting for the gun to go.
having stopped racing for more than a year, this, might just be another race to find that particular feeling back.
a trophy is no necessary, but i DO hv expectations on myself.

the race seemed so important to me, i've been watching my diet these few days, avioding food stuffs such as pork, eat more fruits, bananas, bread, milk. i even looked up how to run a good 400m.
i just can't put into words my feeling at this point of time. maybe a word of luck MIGHT help, GOD BLESS ME.

oh anyw, i'm super in love with that guy on the campus superstar ad! :DDD

if only you could be here, right beside me.

alright i'll make this a quick post cos that banana nx's testing out her new mike so she's trying to give me nightmares by bombarting me with her voice.
luckily she didn't try singing into the mike.

okay i've just finished reading empress orchid. one word - brilliant! :DDD

a super gorgeous book although not as adorable as me HAHAHA. although the last part was saddening when Yung Lu & Orchid cannot become lovers :(
i'm so in love with reading, let's get into the next book.

the whole aftnoon i stayed at home. i felt quite accomplished cos i've just slept until 1pm today. the hot & humid weather made me bored, i've absolutely nothing to do at home.
so i did a group blog! click here.

my mom's bugging when UAN called. i had turned down the offer since classes were on tue & i have trg on tue.
she claims that trgs were useless & it got me on my nerves.

okay i promise i'll blog about my feeling on race tmr morning. i can't think now :(

when i read that, my heart broke.

2 days ago during history DL introduced a whole chunk of books to us.
one of it caught my eye as he said it was super gossipy. it got me aroused (to read it of course) so i chiong to the front & grabbed the book before anyone does.

EMPRESS ORCHID.

i'm halfway through the book, & one description really caught my eye & i was INSPIRED to watch final destination 3.

the lady had her limbs cut off, kept in a cramped up jar. she was kept alive, to serve as a warming.

although final destination 3 is an NC16 show, i've decided to draw up a brilliant plan. ticket sellers at CN are rather dumb, or maybe they act dumb to earn more money. so dey're very easily fooled.
however, the sad thing is, everyone wants to stay at home to mug.

i merely want to calm myself down before the race on sunday. oh well, my main source of entertainment, JE arcade, has remorsefully closed down.

history is one subj that i want to score well badly. today when i received the paper from DL, i wished to squeeze myself into a coke bottle & screw that bottle up, throw into the sea, & float away.
my first & second q got killed by CK. i added CK to inference q which was rather irrelevant whoever-that-teacher-was-who-marked-my-paper whom i think is DL said my ans was too long & minus my marks :(

last q was the greatest regret of my life. while doing sm personal research in the library, i came across this book which i believe chan got that q from. i pestered him 3 days 3 night & he finally admitted the source was from there.

why didn't i discover that book earlier!

ACM official meeting today at discovery room. i was initally interested in china, maybe cos i'm reading too much of empress orchid, but had to guide in southeast asia as i couldn't make it to the 8mar training which was sku cross.

i love that museum.

yestd i accidentally found out a couple of teachers blogs. surprisingly, sm teachers actually know that we were bad-mouthing behind their backs.

everytime i looked, she's always there.

i'm not happy :(

today's assembly was a total screw.
i finally understood the meaning of efforts go down the drain.
i still rmbr how excited we were when we received the assignment from mr tan. leena & me stayed at em's house until 9. karen edited the whole presentation until 12. not to mention all those who stayed up to write the script.

everyt, wasted.

the worst is that all these efforts were not appreciated when CTC kept asking when is it ending. i don't give a fcking damn abt your assembly okay.

i hate at when i'm in such an upsetting mood when people have to stop me on orchard to ask for donations. oh one of them was steven tan.

i got back my geog & math wtf. i realised that i might not be able to make it to JC. what worries most is my history :( okay i'm fucking stupid & you're damn smart i know it.

if only i could get closer.