(maybe) we're both afraid of the words we both havn't said

on.

i dirtied my mom's new sofa she's gna chop me into pieces of char siew, then dip into chilli sauce.

a typical incident after a teacher/staffs from MOE reads a student's blog;

upon seeing the no of vulgarities or insults the student has made, they grin evily to themselves, call the pupil to the office, gives her a major demerit for the so called barbaric, disguting rants posted in the blog.

there is no need for such extreme actions like this.

blog refers to an ONLINE DIARY. you're free to write what you feel towards smth or smone cos it's YOUR DIARY. excluding those with racist comments- but what do the staffs expect to see?

today i went to sku & got my math test back. i scored 99.5 but not good enough cos i shud have scored 100.
oh i love mr chng so much for being my math teacher!

what's a diary when you can't bitch or vent your anger in it? then it's just a pointness computer programme to provide you with boring sources of entertainment when you feel that your world has fallen upon you.

JEC's another bore nowadays as we've lost our ONLY source of entertainment so we switched to going to the ice-skating rink & look at preetays.

happy pwincess affair! :DDD

mr tan told us last minute that we've gta do a presentation for assembly so leena & i stayed at emily's house & i only got home at 15 to 11.

but everyt was worth is cos it brought back loads of precious memories from perth.

i miss little ryan :(

in the years to come, will you think abt these moments that we shared.
are you gna think it over, how we lived each day with no regrets.

nothing lasts forever though we want it to.
the road ahead holds different dreams for me & you.

sometimes goodbye thought it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny.
is the only way now for you & me.
thought its the hardest thing to say, i'll miss your love in everyway.
so say goodbye but don't you cry, cos true love never dies.

in a year from now, maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said.
maybe we'll see each other, standig on the same street corner, no regrets.

each & every end is always writeen in the stars.
if only i could stop the world, i'd make this last.
when you need my arms to run into, i'll come for you.
nothing will ever change the way i feel.

-

outcomers meets this sunday, we're participating in 300. i don't yearn for anyt, only that racing feeling back.

you do not notice.

i'm a gorgeously happy girl ! :DDD

i swear i almost died of hyperventilation when lys declared the end of a math paper. it's the end of ct! HAHAHA felt worst than the 3years of jap invasion.
i immediately stocked up my ice-creams-

no more of those sleep-at-10-wake-up-at-2 days then when you look out the window you see loads of cars illegally parked & worms creeping aound.

the visit to the Parliament House was meaningful.
i went twice, once with the historians, sir & limpaul. second with fann, leena, chrislyn, amanda, emily, jade, nx & terrence chew chew.

now i could finally understand why serene teo felt so emotional.

we had to go through the metal sensor, then sign in the memorial book then stand in a row, then up to the platform to take a last look at Mr Rajaratnam.
i'll never forget that moment i stepped up the platform.

tears rushed into my eyes & i was going to cry.

life is nothing more than a fragile rose. beautiful, yet short-lived.
time creeps past us puppets in such graceous pace, who would have bothered to keep track of those wonderful events, treasure those precious moments.
what's ironic is that even until the last syllable of recorded time, us fools still ponder over what do we live life for.

tmr we're choosing events for upcoming events.

this upsets me. i used to have the ability to a very good 200m. but i've lost everyt. i'm going to break down, smday soon.
i'm going to try & keep a strong mind.

just that geek in pink.

i need 2543 bowls of birdnest, 547 chicky meals, 948 upsized extra value meals & 9739 energy gels (sorry i go anti sharks fins) to replenish all that energy i've lost.

i can say that i'll be a happy girl once again when a math paper ends at 9am tmr!
boy oh boy i'm so excited i'm going to get another piercing to celebrate this oh-so-significant event-

okay i'll update abt what happened in this week tmr! :DDD

i'm going to the Parliament House tmr to pay last respects to Mr Rajaratnam.
but i hope i can make it to celebrate with my other 11 ironwomen.

someday, i just keep pretending, that you'll stay, dreaming of a different ending.
i wna hold on, but it hurts so bad.
& i can't keep something, that i nvr had.

she lost that smile that can't be real again.

if like macbeth said, life is nothing but a walking shadow, then my life would be nothing but a stationary reflection. smth that has no flow, no life, no joy & happiness.
my life is like a poor player that struts & frets his hour upon the stage & then is heard no more. smth that no one wants to witness, smth no one appreciates.

my life is merely a tale told by an idiot, a fool, full of sound & fury, signifying nothing. to sm, it's full of fun, laughter, friends. but it's nothing more than an empty shell, beautiful on the outside, but disappointing in the inside.

i don't want to disappoint myself no more.

when this tale ends, the audience stands up to clap.
not because it's a good show, but it signify the end of everlasting misery, sorrows brought to the world because of this should-not-have-been-told tale.

but ladies & gentlemen, the tale is ending soon-

a brown bear & a white bear dropped into the water. the white bear dissolved. why?
because it's a polar bear.

okay it's found in ms eu's presentation & it's damn lame la right HAHAHA.

today lalitha told us that bryan tan's gna take over us for geog.
okay i was quite devastated at first but i heard he's that tall guy who taught us before. great! but of course i still prefer my lalitha.

j. tan was telling us how stressed up she was when she marked our papers.
she told us how she ate & ate & ate when she saw that GROSS errors we made.

today while going to look for that fann chua erxin i whamed into the lockers GRRR.
oh go read leena's post, she wrote how hardworking i was! but of course what worries me is that all my efforts will go to waste :(
history today was okay, i do hope i'll do well cos it's one subj i can't afford to fail. geog tmr & i do hope i can get at least a 20.

why won't you-

it's disgusting to mug 6 hours straight without stopping.

it totally gross you out, makes you tired, sleepy, grumpy, furgly & pissed off at anyone who nudges you on MSN.
your vocab gets screwed & you don't understand what you're blogging abt.

three lame girls went to mug.
four happy girls laughed so hard on a MRT a 2-year-old asked them to shut up.
five track girls went to help out in SAAA.
it rained, so they got all wet.
this year was no different from last year, the ending sucked as they told the guys to SLOW DOWN at the slope GRRR.

although i did not race, it quite a good experience for all of us.for those who did well, good for you.

for those who did not do very well, regardless of injury or whatever, i have a whole chunk of words for you.
you were given the gift to tun, smth that other desired but don't get.so it's up to your spirit & passion to keep it going.there's nothing great abt getting top or whatever shit-. what's great is how you tried to get up after your fall.

oh yeah we saw commd. & johnaton who looked like a geek in red.

these are sm really meaningful stuffs we saw.

"if you do anything less than your best, you are sacrificing the gift.
to gather, to get there together."

i get really lonely when i take the train alone.
smtimes, you lose smth so precious to you, you feel that a part of you is gone.
i lost smth i loved, & i was devastated. :( i almost fell off the escalator!

it upsets me to find out that JE arcade has closed down as it's not making any profits.

i still miss you.

math/physics paper were a bunch of killers.
oh well whatever, i'm going to flunk them anyw.

i swear i'm going to get the autograph of that khoo guy who climbed a whole chunk of mountains.
oh yeah i heard that joshua ang guy got sent to the hospital for beaking his arm.

yestd was terrible i had fever, vomited & had a super bad headache. maybe's cos i saw too many AH & ghosts floating outside my classroom. but i still love star idol & next top model.

some sec1 are really getting on my nerves.
hey boy i don't have time to play with you, so stop all your childish little games. if you think you are the best around then prove with your results, & not by showing off with your mouth. if your team-mate gets injured, i'll see who gets the last laugh. so stops being such a cocky ass.

oh two accidents happened in sku today.

i can only indulge myself, in my own world of illusions. in a space where no words can hurt me, can cut so deep into my heart. your words drowned me, & my fallen rose could never fall back in place.
just get out of my life now, for i hate you for who you are.
i wish i could forget all that i heard about you & her.
what's she got that i don't have-

just save me & take me away.

it's just another muggin' season :(

HAHAHA i'm wearing my powerpuff girls paja & eating the last double layered chocolate ice-cream so be jealous !
okay i hope the ice-cream digest in time so that i can continue with my math later.
have been muggin' for the past 2h, GRRR.

siting in front's not bad, you get to concentrate better LMAO.

i got my first set-back from history as i failed my assignment by a pathetic one mark. i need to work hard i need to work hard i need to work hard !

queenstown training is a killer because the weather is so hot you feel like MELTING.

i'm so happy i manage to complete my power-jumping, acceleration & 8 sets of 100m ! :DDD
GRRR the cross people's 200m are so fast !

anyw i would like to apologise to irontwlve, I'M SO SORRY.
i guess i'm just a spoilt brat who don't mind my words.

i want YOU to celebrate valentine with me !

it's valentines day today !
& i was so pissed in the morning bcos of __ GRRR.

i LOVE all your gifts thankyou everyone ! :DDD
oh my secret cupid is XW yay love you love you HAHAHA.
i'm gna stuff myself with chocolates & sweets, add on 79kg, roll myself into a wanton & sell to the sku noodle store.

oh i bought this "efficient ways of studying", might be useful to you-

never eat a full meal before you study bcos it makes you stupid & lazy, you will feel extremely sleepy & not able to concentrate.
unless, you have an extremely fast digestive system that can get all those ____ out of your body in a minute.

never lie down when studying, most of the time you'll end up sleeping.
music helps :)))
BRANDS is useless, trust me on that.
sleep early - VERY RELIABLE.
wear your favourite powerpuff girls when studying !

the first few are reliable, the last one maybe not HAHAHA.

ohoh i listened to wo ai ni & all of a sudden i missed training :( weird.

when you look-

i totally flopped my chinese ! it was a killler.

great, luo yu si is going to screw me into a bowl of wanton & sell to the sku's noodle stall. GRRR.

i was thinking of ranting & ranting in my blog about how horrible my life is.
but when i look back at these spas post one day, i want to know that i was a happy girl with a wonderful childhood <3!

i'm sitting right in front of the classroom now & it sucks !
i was dreaming today when chng called me so i didn't now how to answer his questions & he gave me those - i'm gna get you another PRC tutor look. GRRR.

say good luck for me for my english paper tmr !
or j.tan will squeeze me into a gummy bear.
okay i'm off to watch my channel 8 drama now, happy v.day eve <3!
oh i'm gna spend my v.day mugging, gross :(

just to take a look at you.

grrr.

thankyou daddy !

i've had enough of studying - mugging is gross.
mug & mug, i bury myself in books, horrible disgusting book.

mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug
17 mugs to get you motivated !
okay so let's get back to mugging now.

it's another of those nights-

i did my first set of leg drills/power jumpin' today !

power jumpin' was gross because i could only do one. leg drills was gross too because it is so freakly tiring.
i did my first set of 150 150 200 in two years too ! :DDD
rmbr when we train with ritz, she said she wore shades to run bcos it would seem like you're not tired HAHAHA.

had to pump 45 cos nigel was late.
oh, but i heard the cross people had to pump 250 LMAO.
anyway, i feel like slapping some ones one by one, won't elaborate on it GRRR-

congratulations to janice & mel ! :DDD

lunched with fann, aaron, nx, jade, cm & we created the tennis ball joke !
mugged with jade, fann, leena, cm, emily & janice - oh but she pigged so it's not counted.

emily says i look like a guy with my hair tied & black earphones,
great i can go pao niu !

TYPICAL MRT SCENE-

you board the train/bus when it's so super crowded you can hardly get your butt in it,
so you stand in front of the door.
then the next stops comes & people on your left/right wants to alight,
okay in fact everyone aound you wants to.

you move to the right, this aunty in the left pushes you, stares at you, make a face & scolds some vulgarities.
GRRR !

hey girl, i wna catch your wave :)

today's a bad, bad day-

i only realised that i've left my precious specs at home when i got to sku, so i squinted the whole day.
GRRR.
only then i rmbr that i have LLM's lesson later, scare the hell out of me.

when LLM came over i almost hyperventilated as she crushed jan's paper & chuck it away.
i still have the paper & i'm gna post it in my friendster pic !

i love jen tan, at last. she's cute !
then HO hendy ong bullied me during math so we got into a fight HAHAHA ! :DDD
AWW caused xina to lose her eraser AWW.

oh great we're getting our track suits :)))

gross i've only got 3 days left to mug for my common test GRRR.
& 4 days to seduce someone who'll get me my declarations of love collection !

oh yeah the fours are getting their Os result back.
heard our fours got pretty goood results HAHAHA congratulations :DDD

every princess has a knight :(

pfft-

i got 3 marks for my geog ! great great congratulate me HAHAHA.
we were late for 30 mintues for eng today, luckily jen tan didn't scream at me :DDD
4 hours of math after school, & i got my lovely little PRC.

my arms are aching from all that gym work :( oh yeah we're gna take measurements for our red & white track suit tmr :)))
alright, i've gta go mug for common test, 4 days left !
i want the declarations of love collection pfft.
oh before that, i need to go gamble & win some moneyy HAHAHA.

wait, wait & nothing happens.

when you really miss someone badly :(

during geog, suddenly thought of scong & ryan.
i miss my darling little ryan really badly, i just wna fly over to see my sweet little cutie pie.

anyw, chng put me into peer tutoring with the PRCs. pfft i never ever want to talk to him again.
thursday's gna be so damn busy for me.
chng's remedial, followed by PRC tutoring, followed by training.

when you don't even look-

i'm mentally weak.

later-.
my batch of ones are not too bad, except for this guy oh-so-arrogant. brat.
queenstown was super hot today, dehyradted everyone.

to me, a true failure is not when you stop running becuase you're too tired/have stitich/sun too hot, whatever-.
not when you don't reach the targets that coach set for you.
it is because you know that you've tried your best, & you can't go on anymore.

failure, is when you know that you have the ability to go on, yet your mind tells you to stop/give up,
& you just did.
that was what happened to me today-
i know that i could have finished my 800m, but my mind tells me i'm too tired from all the warm-ups, i'm too dehydrated, all these shit.

excuses, all excuses.

i stoped at 400m, vomited, & went off to wallow myself in my pathetic little pool of pity.
i love all who comforted me. but i'm sorry that i made you all worry :(
my AH family-ers, track people :DDD

maybe i'm just a doll.

-

ROMP!@ZOUK- 16march, all night 9-4 ! non-alcoholic. presale $16 door $18, with a free drink. OPEN TO ALL AGES.
all carrots (including coaches/tic) come along ! :DDD

why do you all always do this to me ? why do you all always side with him ?
i don't understand you all. i studied so hard, hoping that you all will see my hard work & efforts, yet you all don't give a damn about me.

in your eyes, you only have one child. him, him & him.

all he has to do is some sweet-talking & everything of him is so correct. just because he's so talented in music & arts to you all he is everything.
in your eyes, everything of him is perfect.

he comes out from your womb, but your blood runs in mine too.
so why can't you give me the same treatment. why is it always that in your eyes i'm the devil & he's the oh-so-perfect angel ?
why do you all okay see the good side of him & the bad side of me.

why don't you all realise how hard i work to please you all ?

finally, i'm posting some sense in my blog :DDD

maybe before we know it, we could be collecting our result slips on stage & going to different JCs.
ask yourselves, will you have any regrets ? is there a particular person that you really want to apologise to but you didn't ?

treasure these times together because you'll not know what will happen in the future. maybe, you two will not meet again.

blogs are deadly weapons. words are harmful, hurting. words of anger. blogs, are used to vent angers.
words are dead, but feelings are alive.

if there are tears, then i believe that the both of you do not wish the negative to happen. so why not take the first step & step back, take the initiative.

-

i really want a pink 6111. will anyone buy for me as v.day gift please please please ! :DDD

the ones are coming in tomorrow ! :)))

i'm in love !

LOOK AT THOSE EYES ! i just watched memoirs of geisha today & i'm so so so in love with zhang ziyi & suzuka ohgo's eyes :DDD
i want to ask for zhang ziyi's number & date suzuka ohgo for v. day !

i overslept today until fann called & woke me up at 9am then i realised that i was super late to go bainian at mrtan's house.
as a very nice senior i waited for ester who lost her way & was late too.

we turned mrtan's house into a gambling den !

in between was fun ! but cm kept making me lose money when i got an ace & king i decieded to showhand then she gave me a king so i had to pay DOUBLE & i almost strangled her to death.
aaron was lucky today because he wore RED.

i couldn't find my $50 so fann helped me turn my bag upside down but still couldn't find it. later mrtan found it in the bag i gave him with the oranges.
heng ah ! :DDD

our next aim is to turn coach lee/pandian & mr keith teo's houses to ours ! HAHAHA.

okay i'm gna go mug already commontest is in ONE WEEK :( i'm going to die of hyperventilation.

the heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves. until one day, there are none- no hopes, nothing remains.

you're the right kind of wrong.

THIS IS YESTERDAY'S POST & I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT IT DISAPPEARED MYSTERIOUSLY !

if you feel lifeless during weekends-

go watch i not stupid too. i highly recommend it after watching with fann, amanda, nx, emily, leena, janice, lirui & jingjie. i practically laugh & cry, cry & laugh. very good movie !
oh, maybe expect for those girls behind us who were oh-so noisy. i wished i bought pop-corn, i can whack it into their evil faces :DDD

sometimes i get demoralised because i'm an injury ic.

i find going to cca & just sitting there watching meaningless. i want to do power-jumping, acceleration, pick-ups, my favourtie 200m.
but i can't :(
i got back to training, i run 800m. my best timing was merely a 3.04 which can hardly even get me into the finals in nationals. 2 months of hard work, training, long-runs, short accelerations, ankle & knee strengthening exercises, core-strength exercises- i didn't improve at all.

i can't even do a proper baton passing, useless.

my teamates comfort me, tells me that i'm already not bad, considering that i've just recovered returned to training. soon i'll be catching up with them. these words are pleasant to hear, gives hopes, boost morale.

but the problem is i can't even get through the obstacle that i set for myself.

i'm born to hate to lose. i'm born to be impatient. when i don't see improvement in a period of time i get demoralise & lose hope because i'm a sore loser.
i love you guys who try to cheer me up & help me get through my obstacle, my greatest enemy, that idiotic young little ignorant brat who thinks so highly of herself that is standing in front of me & wouldn't budge- myself.

but i do love you.

backtrack-.

i suddenly remembered what i wanted so badly to blog about yesterday. jennifer tan's speech ! she & ek must be best friends, they talk so much sence. anyway, desmond lim calls ms ek the master of politics HAHAHA.

"i'm not scolding you you know, i'm just pointing out your mistake, so that you'll change for the better."

-extracted from her 15 minutes (wow ! :DDD) long speech.

met the sec 1 kids for the first time today. usually i will call them NOOBS because of a few unpleasant incidents that really got me to my limits.

but of course, these bunch are special kids because they are my juniors & i LOVE them :)))

so the meeting started with goals & stuffs. followed by self-introduction. everything was fine until the sec 1s were asked to introduce themselves. as usual all those groans & stuffs (like what i'll do in sec 1).

& then this brat starts to guailan michelle.

you may say that we should judge a person by first impression. of course i agree but say i'm petty, bitchy or whatever- that girl has absolutely no respect for seniors so i don't see why i should show any respect for her. if she don't give a damn, i won't give a danm too. you may say that i have no position, not cca leader, whatever shit, none of my business.

as a senior i think i should teacher her some manners.

p.s. i just received the most horrible news, that brat is in TRACK. ohmy WTF, spell T R O U B L E.

let's do a little history-

13 feb HCL
14 feb ENGLISH
15 feb MATH
16 feb PHYSICS
17 feb PURE/COMBI HUMANS
20 feb HISTORY
21 feb GEOGRAPHY
22 feb BIOLOGY
23 feb CHEMISTRY
24 feb A MATH

inference- i'm gna get screwed up from all the studying.

JENNIFER TAN HATES ME. but oh well never mind, because we hate little jennifer too ! :DDD i'm such an evil little girl.

i have ~~eleven~~ 11 bloody days to study for my common test & i've only started with my math, geography & history. i haven't started any of my sciences !

"i hate everyone who's smarter than me :("

all i want is to be a bimbo little rich tai tai so that i can enojoy life at home & not to do anything but bimbo around. okay i forgot what i wna blog about, oh whatever.

i feel terrible. why can't you realise all that i have done for you, or are you just ignoring it ? because i waited & waited.

JENNIFER TAN HATES ME.

my world is crashing down on me. no more talk, full-stop, no one makes a sound. i hate everyone in the world.

i have a geography test tomorrow & i'm getting crazy here. i hate two thick sets of physics to complete & two math exercises :( common test is in TWELVE 12 days time !

i totally screwed my life up.